CHAIRMAN: In the Name of the Most Advanced Superior Starfaring Secret Empire, I call this Conference on the Continuing Genocide of All Sapient Life to order. Would the Secretary please read the minutes of the last meeting?

SECRETARY: Motion was made to continue our policy of Uncompromising Genocide against Any Species that Achieves Spaceflight. Amendment proposed to allow such species to achieve Just Enough Space Industry To Pose a Minimal Threat to the Starfaring Secret Empire’s Glorious Starfleet. Amendment adopted by a majority. Policy passed by acclamation.

CHAIRMAN: I move that the policy adopted last galactic cycle be confirmed for the next.

SECRETARY: Second.

CHAIRMAN: All in fav–

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: Point of information.

CHAIRMAN: Must you really– ?

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: Yes.

CHAIRMAN: Oh, very well. What?

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: As a result of studies undertaken by my department, it is my duty to point out that launching a full-scale attack on every species that achieves spaceflight is extremely wasteful of the Secret Empire’s funds.

MINISTER FOR HISTORY: It is the Only Way to ensure that the Starfaring Secret Empire is never again endangered by a Rival Empire.

MINISTER FOR SCIENCE: Wait, I thought it was to ensure the rise of only strong species.

MINISTER FOR ENGINEERING: I thought it was to maintain the efficiency of the Secret Imperial Starfleet.

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: It really doesn’t matter. We cannot afford to keep launching full-scale attacks destroying every species that happens to discover Zorqxalb’s Third Law of Motion. If we want to keep them from being a threat, we need to establish some bases so that we’re not crossing the whole galaxy every timed we–

CHAIRMAN: Then we would reveal our presence to our targets.

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: What does that matter? We’re ten thousand years older than they are. They can barely explore their own systems. What would they do to us? Surrender? Plead for mercy? And if we’re so scared, why not just destroy ALL life in the galaxy?

MINISTER OF SCIENCE: Then we would fail in our goal of ensuring the rise of strong species.

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: Which we immediately destroy.

MINISTER FOR SCIENCE: If they were strong species, we would have failed to destroy them.

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: So how many strong species has our policy resulted in?

MINISTER FOR SCIENCE: Approximately?

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: Yes, approximately.

MINISTER FOR SCIENCE: Well, zero, approximately. But ONE DAY…

MINISTER FOR WAR: If we destroyed all life, we would have no way to train our military.

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: And we need to train them because…?

MINISTER FOR WAR: In case we ever encounter a more advanced species, of course!

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: Which we ensure will never happen by wiping out all spacefaring species.

MINISTER FOR WAR: Exactly.

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: Which pose approximately the same challenge as wiping out specifically-shaped rocks.

MINISTER OF WAR: We do have a plan to…

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: Please, you’re giving me a headache. Besides, we only do this approximately once every million years. We’re practically inviting some other species to…

MINISTER FOR WAR: So, you want to do it MORE often? I thought you were the Minister for Efficiency.

MINISTER FOR EFFICIENCY: But I–

CHAIRMAN: In any case, it’s time to break for lunch, and I think our colleague is feeling rather poorly, so…

MINISTER FOR SCIENCE: Move the previous question.

MINISTER FOR WAR: Seconded

CHAIRMAN: And passed by acclamation.