Luke Skywalker, Rookie Cop

Have you ever imagined what Star Wars would be like if it were remade as a gritty cop drama? Like, in the real world, where the closest analogue to the way we see Jedi behave is, well, a police force, out to protect the weak and bring the bad guys to justice. And now, the mafia has effectively taken over the city, after hunting down the cops. So, here we have one of the last surviving policemen in the city, a crazy dude who lives in a slum under a partly-assumed name who the Empire leaves alone because basically he’s too much trouble to bother with. And his solution is: train some other poor young schmuck to be a cop. Completely unsupported by other cops. Imagine…

“I was once a policeman, like your father.”

“I wish I’d known him.”

“He was the best driver in Gotham, and an excellent shot. Which reminds me: your father wanted you to have this, when you were old enough.”

“What is it?”

“Your father’s Glock. This is the weapon of a LEO. Not as clumsy or random as a Saturday Night Special. An elegant  weapon for a more…”

“Let me stop you right there before you embarrass yourself further.”

“All right, a mass-produced weapon for a more bureaucratic, but still more civilized age. For over a century, the police were the guardians of peace and justice in this city. Before the Mafia.”

“How did my father die?”

“A young policeman named Darth Vader, who was pupil of mine at the Academy, helped the Don hunt down the police. He betrayed and murdered your father. Now the police are all but extinct. Vader took the power that comes from breaking the Law.”

“Um, what’s the Law?”

“The Law is what gives the police his power. It’s a social contract created by all the people. It surrounds and penetrates us. It binds society together. You must learn the ways of the Law, if you are to come with me.”

“Um, yeah, and do what with that? The Mafia pretty much makes the Law these days. And then they kill you if you disobey them.”

“Um, yes, that would be ‘illegitimate’ Law. Law created by force. The dark side of the Law.”

“The ‘dark side’ of the Law. Which is still just as powerful as actual, legitimate law. Stronger, even.”

“No, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.”

“Uh, and stronger, because they make the rules and kill anyone who breaks them and have most of the guns. And killed all the police. You literally just said that. And all that’s left is one tiny Neighborhood Watch association that’s hiding in their own houses from the Mob. So what am I supposed to do with my father’s Glock? Join the Neighborhood Watch and kill them all?”

“No, a policeman uses the Law for knowledge and defense. Never for attack.”

“That does not seem to have a history of success around here.”

“Only a fully-trained policeman, with the Law as his ally, will overthrow Vader and his Mafia Don.”

“What? You just admitted that there was once a whole Academy-trained police force, not that long ago, who enforced the Law, and the Mafia Don slaughtered all of them and imposed gang rule. And you, by yourself…”

“And Commissioner Yoda.”

“Commissioner Yoda? Who’s he?”

“The Police Chief who taught me.”

“So you, and the only other policeman older than you are going to train me, by yourselves to without violence take down this Mafia Don who took over the entire city after murdering an entire functional police force?”


“How does this Glock work?”

“With your finger away from the trigger, take the weapon off safety.”




8 thoughts on “Luke Skywalker, Rookie Cop

  1. I must admit, this idea never once occurred to me. 🙂

    Luke’s objections did, though, as soon as you brought it up. The Law doesn’t work very well as a Force surrogate, I fear. You’d’ve been better off with the Gamma Rays, or something.

    (“Your father’s webshooters. More elegant weapons for a more civilized time…”)

      • Really? Wow. It never occurred to me that you’d make a semiauto without one. Well, live and learn.

        And yeah, the Law was just there to make the point that they never once explained (or even claimed) that the Light side of the Force was inherently stronger than the Dark.

      • For some reason, replying to your post wasn’t an option, so…

        Technically, you’re right.Glocks do have a safety *mechanism.* What they don’t have is a lever or button to activate/deactivate it. Like modern revolvers (and a lot of the newer automatics), the safety is “always on,” and the disconnector is part of the trigger mechanism. Don’t pull the trigger, and the gun *can’t* go off, no matter what you do to it. In theory, anyway.

  2. Yeah. The Dark Side is “easier, more seductive.” But not stronger. And yeah, he conspicuously didn’t say it was weaker.

    Come to think of it…if it’s easier and more seductive, why were Sith wannabes so thin on the ground? As in, two in the whole d****ed galaxy. Even with the whole Empire behind him, Palpatine couldn’t have had *that* easy a time knocking off rivals *all over the galaxy.”

    Oh, well. There we go, trying to inject logic…

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